Tag Archives: employee management

Haven Editorial: My first three days at Lobotomy Corporation

Lobotomy Corporation values our employees in our growing conquest for energy at any cost. By utilizing the things that goes bump in the night, we will improve quality of life. As our number one employee we value your contribution to the corporation. And accidents hardly ever happens. In fact no one has died in the last month.

At Lobotomy Corporation they put me in charge of running/ ruining day to day operations. By making our energy providing subjects happy through regular interaction and taking care of random interrupting interlopers. Every abnormality in our care has special wants and needs, which I have to cater to. By assigning valued employees to the various facilities in our complex. Which is conveniently hidden from the prying eyes of the people below the crust.

Day 1
The lovely looking AI assistant briefed me on the various responsibilities that comes with the job. Such as assigning my handpicked team of trained professional to a containment chamber. I decided the snazzy Loki should have the honor of getting to know the odd floating as crucifix impaled skull, which wear a thorny red crown. As employee of the week entered the room a slow and revealing conversation took place. It’s much like watching a person confess sins in to as priest. All in all a very nice experience, which led to a better mental state overall and no lost limbs.

Day 2
After being pestered by the white haired AI for a while, I had the honor of picking yet another abnormality. In this case I went for an odd collection of small folks with colorful wings, friendly smiles and roughly humanoid bodies. They seemed to be pleasant enough company. Carlos handled himself like a pro and he looked very content as faeries surrounded him, healing a recent kitchen injury. With the job done, I decided to send him into the chamber with the floating skull. When he got engulfed in a bright green light the fey suddenly surrounded the poor sod and killed him on the spot. Before his body had a chance to hit the floor he was back in the fairy chamber, where they wasted no time consuming his body. Fortunately dealing with the fey folks require no skills what so ever and they never ever escape from containment.

Day 3
The AI came to me with words of wisdom and reprimanded me for the unfortunate loss of life. I just ignored her ramblings and wrote a healthful letter to his family. My people stuck at their job and have virtually no skills and the life expectancy of a boiled lobster.
It became painfully obviously, as I sent him into the containment chamber of my newest acquisition. After the first session everything went well, I acquire a great deal of information and he came out alive. The creature itself, if one could call it that. Somehow it was partially hidden within the solid steel floor. The most striking feature is the fleshy glowing lantern protruding from its lumpy body and two rows of sharp jagged teeth. Due to its similarities to a bottom dwelling fish, we dubbed it the meat lantern. The second session went very bad, as the poor sod seeing the creature was instantly devoured. In hindsight, I should have foreseen this outcome. But I had to deal with a containment breach first, before I could rectify my mistake. Since the meat lantern decided to escaped and hide within the corridor floor. Gleefully chomping down anyone walking by. Which highlighted another issue with the base personnel, they’re blind as a bat and fail to see the obvious lumpy lantern which just led a coworker into its gaping jaws. Due to the ineptitude of my employees, they all died and had to resort to the all mighty Lobotomy corporation restart and rewind button.

I do not like the meat lantern much.

Njål Sand