Haven Review: Polandball: Can into space

20160722105307_1Polandball: can I into space

Poland is an anthropomorphic ball, which represent Poland. For some reason Polandball wants to go into space, so he cobble together a rocket from everything in the back yard, the kitchen and everything in-between. Apparently it is based on a user generated meme based webcomic of sorts, that I knew virtually nothing about, that I have no intention to read. I have to many other things to spend time and resources on.


As a game Polandball is very simple indeed. After all there is only who ways a rocket can go, upwards towards the heaven or crash and burn. Which will happen a lot, since all the other balls in the world are in the way. Each country is a meme filled stereotype with a questionable personality, whom spouts random mangled quotes when hit. Some of these pesky bastards will suck you dry or cut you to pieces, while others are just content with being fat and bloated. Especially Russiaball have a habit of hiding behind a cloud making in annoyingly hard to avoid him. On the way upwards a crap ton of random powerups are spawned and these are needed to get even further. Such as a thick wad of money, in order to upgrade the junk rocket. Fuel to fill the tank, as the dingy rocket will eventually run out and go kaboom. Magnets that sucks in the pickups, for a very short time and hamburgers that fills health. Every now and then pot smoking floating balls can be found, they give a small speed boost In the background a jaunty upbeat tune is played, on it’s own it is not a bad song. But it can become a bit mind numbing after a while. The same with the gameplay. Despite the upgrades that can be bought for collected cash, I have no idea if here is an end to Polandballs journey into the abyss of space.


Especially when you consider that after 8000 meters you are virtually there already.  Gameplay is very easy to grasp, A and D steers the rocket, while W is for boosting and S is for breaking and that is all there is to it. Graphically it is not bad, but there is not much to talk about either, however I do like the changing weather. Though the country balls aside from Polandball look like shite. To make a long story short, it is a hard to recommend such a time sink. It is not bad, just not very rewarding, nor is it very interesting. Let me put that another way, I feel my brain seeping out of my ears, while a bloated fly is feasting on my brain dead corpse. On the flip side, there are steam achievements.

Disclaimer:  We received this game for review purposes only. As such, all views in this article are our own. No money has been exchanged for this.

-Njal Sand-