Deadfools

chinaflagThe SAPPRFT, apart from sounding like a wet-sloppy fart, is in charge of censorship of film, television, and radio in China. This government department has recently turned their attention on the upcoming Deadpool film. They have given their decree that this movie shall be banned in the land of China. Deadpool is just way to violent, lewd, sexy, and fun for their fragile sensibilities. Normally when a movie comes along those fart monsters down at the SAPPRFT change it up and make it safe for the children. Not with Deadpool. The PFFFSTHSPF couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on with the movie and every cut they made, turned the final movie in more and more nonsense, at it being Deadpool, I’m certain that it’s already nonsense to start with. So “to hell with this” they probably said, and tossed the whole thing in the garbage, right in front of the man from Hollywood who had given them the film to review. The most tragic part of this is that they got to see the Deadpool movie before I did. And obviously they didn’t understand it. Hollywood should have let me see it and decide if it was appropriate for Chinese audiences. I’m sure the general populace would appreciate my decision much more than the governments.

Not only is this decision hurting the Chinese people, by not letting get to see the movie, it’s also hurting the American film Industry. China is the second largest consumer of American films. Especially the Marvel superhero movies. They have been a major source of income for Chinese Theaters around the country. Now that Deadpool, One of the most popular characters in Marvel Comics isn’t coming that lack of money is going to show, both here in the states, and more importantly in China. The department of *fart noises* has said that the movie is too likely to draw children to come see it, since it’s a superhero movie. Since they’ve decided there is no way to tame it down, they’re just going to get rid of it entirely so that the impressionable youth wont walk around yelling the “Fuck” word at every Chinese official that they meet. Here in the states we have a robust rating system (which has a ton of it’s own issues) to keep that from happening. In China all they have are those few brave stinky farts at the SAPPRFT. We’ll have to see what comes about from this when the movie launches in February, but I have a feeling that China’s diligent hacker community will see to it that Every Chinese child will get to wake up to Deadpool on Valentines morning.

-Jordan Kamm-